We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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