Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
