My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
