babies were throwing up all over the place
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
