you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
