I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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