in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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