i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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