sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize