While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
