What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
