Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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