yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
