Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize