i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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