You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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