that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
