Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
