saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
