Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She even gives head with a lisp.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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