Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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