we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
