dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't EVER smell your tampon
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
