The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
