I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
