I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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