Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
