im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
