It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
