I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
