Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
