Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
