if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
