I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
