wrigley field is MILF paradise
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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