You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sarcasm needs its own font
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
