the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
