some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
