There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
