I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
