i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
