When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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