I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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