I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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