It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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