he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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