piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
