you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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