She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
