even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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