I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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