Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize