It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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