i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
