all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
