i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
