i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
