i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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