How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
