My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
