You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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