Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
