You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize