It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
