Umm I'm too high to move.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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