I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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